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shadow lies -- a personal fiction journal
"We Hid Behind the Cliches to Protect Ourselves from the Truth" Sarah, Casey, PG-13 
29th-Dec-2008 11:12 pm
han# hannibalabigail - hold on tight
Title. We Hid Behind the Cliches to Protect Ourselves from the Truth
Rating. PG-13
Written for. aphrodite_mine
Characters/Pairings. Sarah Walker, John Casey; hints at Sarah/Casey
Originally Written. December 29, 2008
Spoilers/Warnings. General knowledge of Chuck is really all that is necessary
Summary. John Casey suspected Sarah Walker would be the death of him
Disclaimer. I don't own a thing; it belongs to people more creative than I am.

John Casey suspected Sarah Walker would be the death of him (not knew, as that would imply he was a fatalist, and fatalists don’t survive long in his profession).

It doesn’t shock him she’s at his back when the bullet hits him squarely in the chest.

To say he hoped it wouldn’t happen is not true either, as hope implies optimism, and optimists die even faster than fatalists.

John Casey is much happier to die a pragmatist.


Chuck dies.

It’s not her fault.

It’s not Casey’s either.

It’s Fulcrum’s.

She still blames herself (it makes the pain easier).

Casey suggests that they kill them.

“Kill who?”

“Fulcrum.” In a tone that waivers between disbelief at her question and disbelief at himself for saying it at all.

“Okay.” He clasps her hand and lifts her up off the floor.


To tell Agent Walker why he wants to kill Fulcrum would be admitting a weakness, and John likes admitting that he’s human about as much as he liked listening to Morgan and Chuck drivel on about World of Warcraft and Call of Duty.

(Some nights when he can’t sleep and Walker’s taken enough sleeping pills for the both of them, he listens to tapes of Chuck – not from missions or nights of potential threats – just arguments with Ellie, cheering with Morgan and angsting over Sarah, the boy had out-loud pitying down to an art.

Whenever she wakes up suddenly, he switches his iPod, from Chuck to ACDC in two seconds flat. If she’s noticed his habit of rapidly changing his music when she awakens, she has never commented.)

They all have their ways of coping. (This is his.)


Sarah always imagined her death in one of two scenarios:

She would die saving Chuck. She would take his bullet and kill his assailant before dying in his arms – his mop of unruly brown hair the last thing she saw; she would be dead and Chuck would be safe.

The other has John Casey at her back, both lacking bullets they claim to have and outnumbered five to one (Chuck sometimes figures in, running for his life, but always safe). The last thing she sees in this situation is Casey dying next to her, proud and honorable, and her body bleeding away on some cold tile floor and a CIA clean-up crew mopping up the mess before the world would know.

Sarah always wished for the first – she figured it was noble and heroic.

Now she sometimes wonders if it wasn’t the coward’s way out.

(But she likes to believe that was the best way to die.)


It takes eight months, but they track Fulcrum down, every last agent: murdered, assassinated, suicided.

Twelve different countries and a dozen more aliases, and they’ve only got five left, and they’re all going to be meeting at a pizza parlor in two hours.

It seems like a dream, how easy the ending will be.


Sarah will die with John at her side (somewhere between Brazil and Pakistan their last names got lost and it was John and Sarah not Casey and Walker; maybe not the names they were born with, but the ones with which they’ll die).

And it probably won’t be all that heroic.

Bad guys will be dead, but so will they.

John will be there beside her, grunting through his pain and using all his bullets and still falling one short.

Of all her relationships, the one with him was probably built on the least lies and the most common ground. They’re both broken souls fighting for the one thing they can still believe in.

It will be the death of them.

But then again, they kind of knew that when it all started.


It’s 9:34 on a Thursday evening when John Casey dies.

As he suspected, it is all Sarah Walker’s fault.

If she had never met Bryce, then maybe he wouldn’t have decided to be a hero and a double agent, and then he never would have had to kill him, and then Chuck never would have been sent all the secrets of the Intersect, and then they never would have both been assigned to him, and then when Chuck died, neither would care, and they wouldn’t be here, one bullet short and too much fight left to give up.

“Agent Walker?”

“Yes John?”

“It’s been a pleasure.”

“You ready?”

He nods and they fire. His last two bullets hit his marks right around the time one slams into his upper chest and the world starts to go dark.

One, two, three shots ring out into the darkness before he hears a soft thud and a quiet moan.

They were always one short. It’s something he suspected all along – like how the girl dying next to him would cause his own.

The last things John Casey ever hears, in the milliseconds before his death, are the echoing sounds of shoes on the pavement and one last ringing shot in his ears.
(Deleted comment)
30th-Dec-2008 05:55 am (UTC)

They're so entwined in each other, this was perfect.

They are! AND ON THE SHOW TOO. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one sitting there thinking, "Umm... practically speaking, I'm pretty sure Sarah and Casey spend A LOT of time together. Copious amounts actually." WHY IS THERE NO FIC? Maybe just of them bickering or something because that definitely happens.

31st-Dec-2008 08:59 pm (UTC)
New site to check out for CaseyxSarah, started by the lovely Rusalki:


Check it out. There are a few fics.

6th-Jan-2009 02:14 am (UTC)
Like Ali said, I've started a community for them. I'm a slash girl at heart, but I'm completely obsessed with these two. Out of all the het pairings in all my fandoms, I find this one the most believable. Even just in friendship fics too.

I have a couple of fics over at my journal. Not posted them to the community but I may do so just so that they're there for people to read.
(Deleted comment)
30th-Dec-2008 05:56 am (UTC)
He totally would, and he would totally never tell anyone. Casey is very good at repression. He got an A in that subject at NSA spy school.
31st-Dec-2008 08:56 pm (UTC)
Oh my goodness. This was very well written but so very sad. It made me sad.
1st-Jan-2009 12:32 pm (UTC)
Yes, I could see Casey dying this way in a bleak dystopian 'Chuck' future. And he and Sarah would rub along together out of habit and revenge until the last bullet. Good! Thanks.
6th-Jan-2009 02:11 am (UTC)
Aw man, I loved this. It seemed very real and completely believable.

You should totally post it over at my brand spanking new community caseyxsarah. it may well be the first fic there, and such a great fic to get the ball rolling too.
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